Littlest George: This baby will be "born" Dec. 25

Yesterday I, one of Santa's elves, checked off one of the items on Maddie's list. Her mother, father and I closely reviewed the list and used parental veto power on a few things, like an iPod, an Nintendo DS and one of the Jonas Brothers.

We're weighing the new Miley Cyrus CD, since it's Miley unplugged, unchecked and singing about un-boyfriends and we're pretty sure we ~~can be in denial about~~ stall that for a few more years. (Even though we've been known to rock out to the Dixie Chicks who have a surprising lyric about kissing a--. But we have college degrees and office jobs, so we can explain the artistic context.)

But Maddie's parents did agree to a version of item No. 5:

Yes, cue the Chuck Berry, that's a doll that eats, drinks, sleeps and wets.

This particular doll was not young Madeleine's first choice. She wanted the one in potty training, which comes with little packets to make up this paste that I suppose is supposed to be baby food peas but looks a little like guacamole gone bad. Here's how Michelle and I settled on the less-offensive version.

"Hi, it's Kathleen. I'm standing here looking at a wall of Baby Alives. Which one does she want again?"

"There's more than one kind?"

"Yes. There's the potty training kind like they show in the coupon, then there's one that burps, then there's one that cries, then there's one that only pees."

"All babies do all of those things. Why do they have separate dolls?"

"I'm saying."

"What do you think?"

"The one that only pees grosses me out less, if that's a factor."

"That is a factor. Is the peeing-only one less expensive than the other one?"

"Yes."

"Sold!"

It was rather odd, standing in the aisle and feeling my very own Baby Alive bouncing on my bladder and tickling my ribs as I picked out this doll and some accessories. (Yes. Accessories. Like a changing pad, extra diapers and a change of clothes. We're going for reality, people.)

But the best part was the disclosure blurb.