Ryan hasn't napped well in two days. And after a week or so when he never seemed to wake up, this development has had a surprising effect on me: It's brought me to tears and sent me to bed at 6:30 last night.
I think he's having a growth spurt, which means he wants to nurse every two hours and is fussy in between. My mother and Hunter have been much better than I have been at dealing with this fussiness, which consists of periods of alertness and periods of wailing. He still slept well last night, so that was a relief.
Hearing my baby cry and not being able to stop it has to be the worst feeling in the world. And the prospect that he will never nap again has scared the wits out of me, because when everyone goes home and back to work, it's just me alone in this house with a little person who cries for no reason and can't appreciate a good West Wing rerun on the DVR.
I need a deeper reserve of patience. Or a million-dollar nanny.
I'm not sure I can be engaging and/or walk around for an entire day, every day. Yesterday we took a walk in the neighborhood with Hunter and he cried off and on the whole time. And I don't care if the neighbors hear it -- I'm the one who has the problem hearing it!
Right now, he's asleep on my mother's chest as we await the start of the Super Bowl. So I have time to write about this. But she goes home on Thursday and I can't type with one hand -- or do much of anything, really, so I'm looking into various carriers where I can hold him close but have my hands free. I'm hoping that's enough to satisfy his need for snuggling and my need to do things, anything, to feel like a normal person for awhile.
I know the first few weeks are hard. One of the things I'm going to do to cope with that is to talk about it honestly.
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4 comments:
I bawled like a baby myself when my mom left me alone after the first two weeks--I was exhausted and terrified, and my husband went back to sea. I took walks outdoors every chance I got, because wailing babies are not as nerve-wracking outdoors as they are in the echoing indoors. Hang in there--you're doing great!
I can totally relate...it is hard! The day my mom left, I said to her, "I can't do this without you!" But, I could...I just didn't realize it at the time. Hang in there and know that I am here if you ever need to talk or vent!!!
I agree about walking outdoors or drive over to the mall and walk there if it's too rainy to be outdoors. Take him for a spin every hour if you have to. It's a great way to at least have his fussiness masked by the noises around you and you won't feel totally alone. Julie got one of those baby slings from some website. Get her input too!
I learned with Sophie that she needed to go to sleep an hour after eating. Once that magical time would hit, I would swaddle her up and put her in the swing (or in the bouncy seat with the vibration on in the bathroom with the fan on, or on the dryer). Sophie didn't like having her hands stuck down by her sides at first and would cry when we would first swaddle her but I tell ya, she slept great then...otherwise, the startle reflex would wake her up all the time. But after a few weeks, she didn't even cry when we would swaddle her. She realized it was for her own good. :-)
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